Please Don't Judge Me

Give me love,

I'm not perfect not at all! I'm fat. The kind of fat that is real. The kind of fat that should bother me. Fat in a way the doctor tells me I need to lose a lot of weight. 

I'm scarred. There are some significant stripes going down my arm. People who see them could tell those are from self harming.

I'm bisexual, but 80 percent lesbian. I’ve never loved someone like I should in a relationship. I'm probably gay. Gay, as in, I'm not really feminine at all!

I'm mentally ill. As in, I cancel meetings one day before because I'm scared, sad, depressed, or numb. I'm one of those annoying people who have every diagnosis in the book.

I have no talent, I'm not a good singer, good sporter, super social, super smart, good in drawing, or anything you can think of. I'm one those people who have no talent at all.

I was victim of sexual assault. I'm one of those “whining” #metoo types. I'm a girl who thinks “I would definitely do that girl” is a sexist opinion.

I'm one of those weirdos who believe in the power of nature. I like to use incense and ask mother nature for strength.

I'm a wallflower. Watching how people handle life, thinking about my role in this play, hoping no one notices me.

I have chronic pain. I'm one of those people who “claim” to be in pain all the time. One of those attention-seekers who want to let other people feel sorry for them. 

I always have sad feelings inside me. I always have that. I'm okay, but... I'm the person you should not ask how I'm doing because you really don't want to know.

I have dreadlocks, those weird strings of knotted hair that apparently “can't be washed.” One of those criminal people who smoke weed all day.

My dad was a terrible criminal, robbed people, hurt people, and had lots of debts. The kind of man you do not want to know and which will not be able to bring anything good to this world. 

I'm a person who hates herself, a person who has zero self-esteem. A person who won't take you serious when you give me a compliment. 

I'm a gross person because I don't brush my teeth twice a day standard. I'm disgusting because sometimes I don't shave my armpits for 2 months. I don't shower everyday and sometimes not even every week.

I don't work, I'm “lazy” and don't help society in any way. I don't earn money, I only cost money for the government. And I'm convinced this is what my life is.

I'm one of those irritating people who are scared all the time, acting like they can be jumped on any time, get beaten, threatened or assaulted.

So this is me, what do you think? Did I cover every prejudice? Did I disgust you?

So this is me, this is all that’s wrong with me. This is everything I do wrong in my life. 

But guess what? I am human. I need love. And I guess I deserve it just as much as all those perfect people.

Please stop hating everything you are because you're not perfect... Please love every loser, every weirdo, every creep, and above all, love yourself.

Because if you love yourself enough, you don't need to feel better about yourself by hating on others.

Hate me or love me. Judge me, please. But be an honest judge... and choose to love me for everything I am.