Thrive

This past April I got married.

Marco and I met during our last month of university, and it was only supposed to be casual, no strings attached. But as with everything in life, things don’t always go the way you plan. We fell in love and moved in together after graduation. A few months later, we were engaged and then married. It all happened in a whirlwind for many reasons. Marco’s student visa was expiring, and unfortunately it was too expensive for his company to sponsor him. It came down to either we get married or he would have to go back to Panama until he could apply for another visa. The thought of living so far apart for an indefinite amount of time didn’t sit well with either of us, and we had already started to build a life together. We had a cat together, so, obviously, things were pretty serious.We had talked of marriage; we just didn’t think it would happen so soon. However after talking it over and discussing it with our families, it felt like the right thing to do. I don’t think anything has ever felt so right as saying “yes” when Marco proposed or saying “I do” when asked if I would take Marco to be my husband.

After all, I married one of my best friends. I don’t have to hide who I am with Marco. He accepts me for all of my eccentricities, my baggage and all of the issues that comes with it. He also challenges me and encourages me to be adventurous and do things outside of my comfort zone.

We joined a couples softball league this summer, and I’m not a sporty person nor the most coordinated. But with him it's fun. Everything with him is fun.The reason why I bring up Marco and all the fluff is to show that life goes on after a sexual assault - That there is a light at the end of the tunnel as corny as that sounds. I talked before about identifying as a survivor, and my rape is something that I have survived. I haven’t let it define me and keep me from living my life. It took several months but I got to a point where I was tired of feeling paranoid, of being depressed all the time. Eric had turned my world upside down, and it felt like I had completely lost control. I wanted that control back. But I wasn’t getting better on my own and so I decided I needed help. I have never regretted the choice to go into therapy. My therapist Liz was very kind and nurturing (she reminded me a lot of my mom), which I think helped me feel comfortable opening up to her. In therapy, I had to acknowledge what happened to me. I had to call it what it was: rape. I had to learn not to blame myself for what happened, not to make excuses for my rapist. He was the one at fault, not me. Only then, could I begin to heal. To move past it. To survive. And to Liz I'm really thankful for her help in getting my life back. If it weren't for the strides she and I made in our sessions, I don't think I would have taken a chance with Marco. I would have carried on closing myself off to avoid getting hurt again, I would have missed out on something really great. Marco himself has been very supportive of my healing process. He understands that things won't always be sunshine and rainbows. I've had multiple breakdowns in front of him, and he has stuck by me through all of them, whether it's holding me or giving me the space I need. He is my rock, my cheerleader, and my #1 fan. I know with him by my side I will continue to grow and heal. I am ready to step out of the darkness and back into the light.I am ready to live.-Khaleesi