My Boyfriend Lied About the STD He Gave Me

I stayed with my boyfriend even though I wanted to leave him two months into our relationship.

He no longer respected me sexually. He was condescending. I was upset, but I couldn’t leave him. I felt bound to him because of my herpes diagnosis. I finally asked him how he thought he got the virus. “From my ex, Liz,” he told me. He explained how they were on a camping trip during the summer before he and I met. He said he thought he noticed something on her but he was too drunk to care. I began to hate Liz. How could she not have gotten tested? How could she have not said anything to my ex? I was furious. I hated this girl I had never even met. I hated what she did to him and, especially, what she had done to me. I know he hated her too. I had a friend named Liz. He wouldn’t let me hang out with her anymore. He said just hearing the name Liz was too much for him to handle. It was ridiculous, but I conceded. A year into our relationship, he had starting physically abusing me. He knew the herpes diagnosis made me stay. Soon after he hit me for the first time, I saw him texting his Liz. “I feel like I have the right to ask why you’re texting Liz,” I told him. “I just feel like making peace. There’s no sense in staying angry with her,” he told me. That hurt. Liz had destroyed our lives, our health. He couldn’t even bear the thought of me hanging out with my Liz, yet he could make amends with the very Liz who destroyed us? I was confused and hurt, but he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The next morning, I woke up early. I went through his phone. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that, but I couldn’t get Liz out of my mind.

A year into our relationship, he had starting physically abusing me. He knew the herpes diagnosis made me stay. Soon after he hit me for the first time, I saw him texting his Liz.

He had been texting her naked pics of her he had saved on his phone. “Remember when we used to do this together? You miss this, huh?” She had replied, telling him to leave her alone. He persisted. There was nothing more from her.I had no idea what to do. I knew he would turn it around on me if I brought it up. I stayed silent and remained in a relationship with him for two years. I thought I was finally ready to leave him. A thought popped in my head. I started searching social media for Liz, but Facebook wasn’t giving me any leads. Finally, I found her on Instagram, and what I found scared me. She was also a transplant to the area, with no friends or family to fall back on. She had the same looks as me — hair color, skin tone, height, body shape, everything. I was looking into a mirror, but worst of all, our Instagram accounts looked eerily similar. A picture I had taken shooting his gun — she had the same one and was wearing that same yellow hoodie of his. That camping picture he had me take with him — she took the same photo in the same spot. I began to go into shock as I realized just how sick of a game he was playing. He was repeating every experience he had with Liz with me. But I finally had her last name. I looked her up. I sent her this message on Facebook:

I know you don't know me. If this is totally out of line, please feel free to ignore this. But I dated him for about a year and a half. Probably right after he stopped hanging out with you. I just left because it was a really abusive relationship, and I know he had mentioned you several times and how you seemed to just randomly stop talking to him one day. I'm just reaching out to see if you had a similar experience with him as I did. But like I said, if this seems out of line to you, please feel free to ignore this. I just started to notice a pattern with all of his stories about his exes.

She sent back the following:

This is definitely not out of line! I'm happy to talk to you. I'm so sorry that he treated you the way he did. When I was with him he was out of line many times. He never hit me, but it was mostly mental abuse. If things didn't go his way, he would do his best to bring me down as if I wasn't worthy of anything. It took a lot of strength to leave him due to fear of him becoming angry and doing something irrational. He didn't respect my family either, and most of all, he didn't respect me sexually. If you don't mind me asking...how was your relationship with him?

After realizing the initial patterns, Liz agreed to meet me for coffee. All my worst fears were confirmed in that meeting, but it was so uplifting to meet her. This girl he had told me to hate for the past year and a half was such a beautiful human being. Love and warmth radiated from her. She told me everything would be okay — that I would learn to love myself and my body again one day, just as she so clearly was. My diagnosis didn’t have to define me. His lies didn’t have to define either one of us.I was finally ready to leave him. If Liz could turn around her situation with him, I could too.