I Will Find My Way

I’m “free” now and I’m figuring out how to live a new life WITHOUT sexual abuse.

For ten years, all I knew was sexual abuse. I really thought that being abused was my destiny. I didn’t think that I was worth more than that. And when the abuse stopped ten months ago, I really had to figure out how living life actually works—and I’m still struggling and figuring things out. Living life after the abuse has been pretty intense and hard. But it also showed me that beautiful things do happen. Life is more than pain and suffering. And it’s okay to find that out. Slowly, I’m getting there. Life hasn’t been easy for me but I know for sure that I will find my way. I’m trying to love myself after all that happened. I hated myself for ten years and I harmed myself pretty bad. I’m still pretty obsessed with self-hate but I stopped listening to the destructive voices in my head. Harming yourself is never the answer. I’m slowly learning that I deserve a beautiful life and so much more. But still, life is difficult.

Life is more than pain and suffering. And it’s okay to find that out. Slowly, I’m getting there.

I love to look at it with a positive mind. Every new day is a new opportunity to live my life the way I want to. I’m doing things that are good for me. For example, I let people into my life who will help me grow. And I have a lot more to be grateful for. I see the sun rising every day. I see my pets growing up. I have the most amazing friends. I have good therapy to overcome my PTSD. I get the attention I need for my problems (yes, problems need attention!). I’m learning how to let hate go. I’m working on my self-esteem. I’m trying to inspire thousands of people on my Instagram—the support I get there is amazing. I have good medication to handle my depression. In fact my depression is almost gone! I have a good support system. I have so many things to live for. I know healing will take time but like I said: I will find my way.