Beginning to Remember — What I Didn't Tell My Parents

Although my story started long ago,

my healing process began my junior year of high school when I finally admitted what happened to me. My cousins, who had recently moved to Wisconsin but before had been extremely close to my family, had been dealing with a rather tricky situation themselves, and thus, my parents became worried about our wellbeing. I should admit my relationship with my parents was quite close — in fact, ironically, I could not keep a secret from them. If I had merely a minor fight with my friends, they would know, and if I did not divulge my thoughts about this misunderstanding, I was sure to get “the talk “ again. “If I cannot trust you to be open with me about something so ‘stupid’ as you say, how can I trust you to come to me when you are ready?” my mom would declare before embarrassing me while I was trapped in the car.

I should admit my relationship with my parents was quite close — in fact, ironically, I could not keep a secret from them.

I should clarify most of our encounters were not forced, and I commonly openly vented to them. I thought all kids were this close to their parents, divulging every aspect of their lives over car rides without destinations or refreshing walks under the stars.   However, this situation was somehow different in my eyes. To them, I was a good kid and always had to be a role model for my sisters. I had a 4.5 GPA, was in honors classes, second chair in our state champion band, also played in the jazz band, was involved in every club at school, a Girl Scout, and even the captain of our school’s soccer team. On top of all of this, I would be leaving for an entire year of foreign exchange that summer.

So when we were all sitting on their waterbed bonding, and they asked me, wide-eyed and distressed about the situation with my cousins, “You would tell us if something like this ever happened to you, right?” how could I spoil that picture of the perfect daughter with the grotesque details of my reality years before?

So when we were all sitting on their waterbed bonding, and they asked me, wide-eyed and distressed about the situation with my cousins, “You would tell us if something like this ever happened to you, right?” how could I spoil that picture of the perfect daughter with the grotesque details of my reality years before? My relationship with my parents meant everything to me, and soon I would be flying halfway around the world, only to leave once more for college upon my return. It was truly better to let them remain in a state of ignorance and allow my image to remain.