Writing About My Past, I Can Do It

Lately I’m writing a lot.

I write about my life, my days, my thoughts. I also write about the sexual abuse of my past. It’s hard. It’s confusing. It’s painful. But it’s helping me. I used to be so afraid of my past that I couldn’t talk about it without ending up in a hospital for my self harm. I still struggle with self harm but everyday I’m getting better at ignoring the self hate voices in my head. I used to harm myself everyday but that’s over now. I realized that I don’t have to punish myself for what happened. I’m a victim and I don’t need punishment. I’m trying to quit self harm completely. It’s all about the small steps. It’s okay to go slowly. Moving forward is good so I have to keep going.I don’t want my past to have such a strong hold on me. I want to be free; I want to heal.  

My therapist told me that writing and talking about my traumas will get easier if I practice a lot. And it’s true.

So I’m working on being less afraid of my traumas. My therapist told me that writing and talking about my traumas will get easier if I practice a lot. And it’s true. It still is freaking hard but I’m getting better at it. I’m getting less and less afraid of the memories. I’m able to talk about what happened. I’m able to cry about what happened. I’m able to grieve. So actually I’m doing quite well. Being less afraid makes me feel strong. Writing about my past without hurting myself makes me feel strong. I can do this.