Have you ever had some memories on a constant loop? Like an old record that keeps playing the same song? And you try to stop it but it keeps on playing. 

It took me a while to realize I can control my own thoughts. But even with this knowledge I still felt haunted by memories of childhood. What I am learning is that the memories are not trying to haunt us but confront us. As a child we are too young to understand it when we are beaten or threatened or something else that is traumatic. Instead we internalize everything. We make everything our fault. Which makes sense when you are constantly hit and yelled at. 

We now have to accept the things that happened to us, no matter how dark they were. And we can also rewrite the past and make a whole new future. You can break that old record and vicious cycle. The first step is awareness. The second step is forgiveness. Not to let the person off the hook, but let yourself off the hook. And to take your power back. When we focus on situations and people it gives them our power. They are not worth it. It is taking from our present and our future. Feel your feelings for all they are worth, but don't live there. Because if you don't resolve the issues you will remain stuck in life. 

I speak of this because this is how my life was. I was on a hamster wheel of toxicity. Just running in place, but never really going anywhere. It took me a long time to really admit I was raised in a toxic environment. I didn't see it at first because that is how I was raised so I thought it was normal. Not to mention when I finally did confront a family member for all the times I was beaten as a child and being pushed down the stairs, I was trying to take my power back. I told him I would call the cops if he hit me anymore and he took a large metal saucepan and beat me up until I blacked out. I bring up this incident because during a hypnosis session I wanted to see why I was in such fear and feeling powerlessness. And having no control over my life. 

This particular situation happened when I was about 14 but it was hidden in my mind all these years. I had to address this situation. Talking about it, gets it off your chest. I guess I had internalized so many things they are starting to come up now. These issues have tried to come up before, I just did not know what to do with them. Nothing has power over you unless you let it. 

I am learning now that by actually talking about these things does help. I used to be in such fear of being judged. I was also in fear because any time I talked to family about it I was called a victim. I was only trying to figure out how to move on with my life. At this point in my life I really do not care how I am labeled anymore. I only care about myself. 

 

For so long I was so concerned with everyone else. Taking care of others. To the point where my cup went empty. Now I am doing everything in my power to just focus on myself and pouring into my cup! Anyway that I can!

For so long I was so concerned with everyone else. Taking care of others. To the point where my cup went empty. Now I am doing everything in my power to just focus on myself and pouring into my cup! Anyway that I can! Each day I find new ways to deal with things. I am seeing blessings now. Not only do I go to counseling I also get done alternative therapies and I highly recommend it to others.

When we have traumas and traumatic experiences, this trauma can get trapped in our body. It can sit in our energy fields. I notice relief when I get reiki done and energy medicine yoga. I found out about cranial sacral therapy, which I hear is good if you suffered head injuries. That is my next therapy that I will be receiving. I feel now that when I finally made my life about me and really focused on healing my life, my life got better. It did not happen overnight because healing is a process. But whenever you stay committed to yourself you will see the results. We are all worth it.

Here's to everyone that is working on filling up your own cup! Cheers to you!

KellyMaida