Thank You for Asking

Thank you for asking how I felt—how it felt to have a dad like this, how it affects a child, what the feelings of a child are in this situation.

Thank you for sincerely being interested.

I guess you are the only one who ever asked—asked how it was like to have an abusive dad, a dad who killed himself by using drugs, a dad who hit you, a dad who threatened to kill you, a dad who chose to cross boundaries day after day.

Well if you really want to know. It sucks! You feel worthless. You feel like nobody sees your pain. The person who should’ve love you, chose to ruin you and your family. It hurts to be helpless, to be unsafe every single day.

It’s sad to tell your friends you can’t play because your dad is planning to kill you and that your friends will be unsafe. It’s sad to see your dad in the newspaper as the “man acquitted for attempted murder.”

They all knew; they all saw. And he was my daddy, I am 50 percent his. That hurts.

It sucks to feel like everything is your fault. My fault.

He died on his conditions, leaving me, his child. And nobody asked if we were sad… no one asked anything. Nobody did.

Thank you for asking how it felt, how it still feels. It feels nice and warm, knowing anyone cares. Knowing you see the things I'm struggling with.

Apparently, you care. Thank you for making me feel important, making me feel worthy.

You have no idea how much I appreciate this. What this is doing to me, as an adult. You make my inner child feel heard.

~written by Namasté allday~