Still Battling

After that unforgettable day when my family came to save me from something that could’ve gotten worse at a blink of an eye, my life was a constant rollercoaster.

I received an abundance of calls and texts from my daughter’s father. Most of the conversations consisted of “how could you not be willing to keep our family together” or “how could you just kick me out with nowhere to go?” Yes, I longed for my daughter to have her family back, but I knew it was not a healthy choice for her.  She would constantly see her parents yell and fight with each other, which would end with both her and I crying every time. I was eternally grateful to have my new gentleman friend help me through all of the drama that was happening. He was always there to listen and to give me encouragement. I never felt that I was being a burden with my issues. He said he would be that shoulder to lean on, and he loved being around kids and would be happy to help in any way he could. It was such a breath of fresh air to have him to talk to. With all the negativity I was used to hearing and being around, I needed his positivity. He told me I was beautiful inside and out and how any guy would be lucky to have me in their life. Of course, my heart just completely melted, because this is what I had always wanted, to have someone appreciate and care for me like I do for them. I was still battling with my soon to be ex about our lives. He was relentless on how things would be different. But I just couldn’t forget a couple big events that had happened. I couldn’t forget my family saving me, but I also couldn’t forget another big event. I had tried to leave him before, but ended up not being able to do because of this event. When I had told him I was leaving, he left the house and wouldn’t take any of my phone calls or answer any texts. Eventually, I received a text stating he was going to kill himself because he couldn’t live with me leaving him. I have never felt that kind of emotion before. We had a daughter and I felt like I was going to be the cause of her not having a dad. I desperately called his closest friend and asked him to come over. He went on a search for him and had finally got a hold of him and went to talk him out of doing something harmful. I broke down and cried until they came back to the house. I gave into him and said I wouldn’t leave. I would do everything I could to help our relationship. Sadly, this type of event happened again shortly after my family saved me from him. Again, he stated that if he couldn’t be with my daughter and I as a family, he was going to kill himself.

At this point, I knew he was just looking for attention and for me to give in and stay with him and not leave again. It had upset me so much, so I told him that I better find him dead somewhere then.

He couldn’t believe I would ever say that him. I proceeded to tell him that I couldn’t believe that someone, especially him, would use the fact that I love and care so much to hurt me by saying those types of things. He also knew how much psychological harm it had caused me in the past. I told him it was a cowardly thing to say to me and to not even have his daughter in his thoughts while saying it. After all of this happened, my new gentleman friend said he would like to move to where I was  and help me with everything. He knew it was going to be a difficult time in my life but was willing to do whatever he could to help. I said I would love nothing more than for him to come to where I was at.When I was moving my new friend down, my ex decided to come to my house, because he still had a key. My mom went to my house to pick up a couple things for my daughter. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see him and another girl in my house. I received a call with this information and was furious. For one, I knew who this person was; they had dated in high school. Secondly, why was he in my house, let alone with this girl in my MY house? Third, I had been torn apart for having a new friend, and he apparently had someone else all along. I then decided to give him a polite call, and give him 30 seconds to get out of my house with whomever he was with or I would be calling the police for trespassing. He didn’t have any items at the house, and there was no need for him to be there. I told him his key needed to be sitting on the counter when I came back home. After returning home, I received a call from this girl’s husband. He was one of my ex’s best friends and stated that his wife and my husband had been seeing each other ever since he and I started having problems. Although we were separated and getting a divorce, it was hard to hear. It stirred so many mixed emotions. All of the things he had said to me, all the hurt, all the fighting, and all the lies. How could he do that? How could he lie to my face and have zero remorse? I was upset at myself for allowing him to hurt me so badly. He tore me down to the very bottom when I was scraping my way back up. How could I have let him do that to me?