My Anxiety and C-PTSD Make Me A Time Traveling Super Hero

I guess I’m a superhero. You know one like the ones you read in comic books. I'm more a nerdy one though—I can travel in time.

I often travel to the past. I see how things happened. I'm there as if it’s happening right now. Most of the time, I travel to my least favorite parts of the past—often moments of anger or anxiety. Those are the moments even in the future you hope didn’t happen. You know those moments, right?

Some people claim they are just memories but I'm pretty damn sure those aren’t memories! Memories are in your head, they are thoughts. My “memories” are in another dimension. I feel, see, hear, smell and think the same things I did before because it’s time traveling right? The funny part is, no one notices time has stopped while I'm traveling. They all think I'm right with them. To be honest, I'm not even sure if time stops in this world or if my soul is in two places at the time. For me, my conscience is in the past.

The weird thing is,  I can’t change what’s happening. It is reliving the past, being right there.

My biggest secret is I can travel into the future too. Awesome isn’t it! It does work a little differently than traveling into the past. In the future, my senses don’t work quite as well. What I see, hear, and smell is somehow foggy. But what I feel is definitely right! They are more like memories yet they are in the future. I'm not sure if something like future memories exist, so I choose to call it time travel.

When I'm “away” I'm sure I’m still here. Most people don’t know I travel to the future too. They think I'm just a little weird—weird and worried. For me, it’s definitely different! I don’t think bad things are going to happen. I'm sure they will! And the entire world is blind for all the bad things that will happen. It will happen and I slowly have to wait until it will. Meanwhile, we all live like there’s nothing to be scared of.

Even if my head can choose to leave the future, my body has a hard time forgetting the adventures of my time travel. Future or past.

I guess I'm a superhero. Not like the ones you read in stripbooks. I'm more a normal one, one you cannot recognize without knowing. I can travel in time to the past and the future.

My C-PTSD makes me travel back in time. I think, hear, see, feel, and smell the same things as I felt the first time I was in that situation. Often those are the moments you hope didn’t happen, but they did.

My anxiety makes me travel to the future. My head and body make me believe bad things will happen. I don’t have any control over what I think, feel, hear, see, or smell. It’s all quite foggy and that makes me feel even more scared.

I'm a superhero and so are you… what is your superpower?