Maintaining Your Self-Respect in Relationships
An important part of the healing process is by respecting and loving yourself, as well as having a strong support system. -KelseyFlanagan
Sometimes in relationships, you might find yourself going against your values or what you are comfortable with. Whether it may be with an intimate partner, a friend, or a family member, it is always important to maintain your self-respect in these relationships.
Interpersonal effectiveness is important as it allows us to communicate in a healthy way with those around us. Say you need to have an important conversation with someone. Ask yourself “How do I want to feel about myself after this interaction?”. You want to act in a way that makes you feel positive about yourself.
In DBT, the skill used to maintain your self-respect is called the FAST skill. The key components of FAST are:
(be) Fair: Be fair to yourself and the other person.
(no) Apologies: Don’t apologize unless you did something wrong. There is no need to apologize for having an opinion, disagreeing, or making a request.
Stick to values: Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t compromise your values just to avoid saying ‘no’, to fit in, or to get what you want.
(be) Truthful: Don’t lie, don’t make up excuses or exaggerate.
FAST skills are particularly important for survivors as it reminds one to stick to their beliefs instead of betraying their values to get approval. When one is manipulated by an abuser, or not believed by friends or family, it is difficult to maintain self respect because they aren’t receiving respect from others. However, it is important to keep these skills in mind and try to apply them. It’s certainly not easy, especially when you are being coerced and being manipulated, but by being mindful of these skills, hopefully you can apply them little by little.
As this month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, try to focus on maintaining your self respect by using the FAST skill. An important part of the healing process is by respecting and loving yourself, as well as having a strong support system. By using the FAST skill, you are able to maintain self-respect while effectively communicating with others.
-KelseyFlanagan