I Am A Warrior

The worst was when he disappeared for about four days and then happened to show back up on my birthday.

No hello, no explanation, he just dropped his pants and said that for my birthday present I could give him oral sex. I didn’t want to, what I wouldn’t have given to fall over dead in that moment. I knew I couldn’t cry or get mad because I would get punished for my attitude if I did. He would hurt me if I told him no, so I shut down and gave in out of fear. When it was over he said, “There. Happy birthday to you. Now you can take me to get some lunch.” Never in my life did I feel so utterly worthless, dirty, and humiliated.

He would hurt me if I told him no, so I shut down and gave in out of fear.

All of that, that was four years ago. I have since then moved on and began my journey in the healing process. So why am I telling you all of this? First, I am giving you the dirty, dark details to try and fight how taboo of a subject domestic abuse is. I also want you to know that I understand in my own way the deep pain and sadness and especially the demons that get left behind because of it. I still struggle with anxiety and depression on a regular basis. I struggle to make new friends. I struggle to be in large groups of people. I struggle to not let my past abusive relationship affect the relationship I have now with a wonderful, amazing man who deserves the world.Every day is a new day though, and every day is an opportunity to show that I didn’t let him steal my light, that I am not only a survivor but a warrior who fights every day to overcome, who wears my battle scars proudly. I encourage each and every one of you to never give up on yourself, to always work to overcome the challenges that are brought forth, and most importantly, allow yourself to heal and be free, because you, my darlings. . . are so, so worth it.