Get Rid Of Guilt And Shame By Acting Opposite To It

Guilt and shame. Let’s talk about it. 

Unfortunately, it is common for survivors to have feelings of shame and guilt. While your feelings are always valid, sometimes the emotions don’t necessarily fit the facts. Guilt and shame are examples of these emotions when it comes to survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. 

Opposite action is a DBT skill in which one acts opposite to the action urge when the emotion is doing more harm than good. Common responses to these emotions are to stay quiet, hide, and avoid the situation, which can take a toll on a survivor's health and delay the recovery process. 

When dealing with guilt, we feel the need to apologize and seek forgiveness/try to make up for it. Say someone is trying to make you feel like the abuse was your fault, the most common opposite action would be to not apologize or try to make up for it. Instead, work on asserting yourself. This can be done by changing your body posture, keeping your head up, maintaining eye contact and keeping your voice steady and clear. Remember that you are not the one in the wrong. Nothing you did led you to deserve what happened to you.

“When dealing with shame, the best form of opposite action is to address it.”

When dealing with shame, the best form of opposite action is to address it. Shame makes us want to hide and avoid the situation, but by admitting to yourself what happened or confiding in a trusted individual, you are acting opposite to shame. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell everyone, you could start by looking in a mirror and telling yourself what happened. If you are ready to share, do so with others who you are comfortable with and that you know will believe and support you. Perpetrators of assault and violence try to silence their victims by shaming them to keep quiet and make them feel that the abuse is their fault. By acting opposite to shame, you are taking back your power from the abuser. 

The next time you are experiencing these feelings, first figure out what emotion you are feeling. Ask yourself if the facts fit the situation, and if you are feeling shame and/or guilt about what has been done to you, odds are the emotion does not fit the facts. By working on opposite action, you are able to lessen the intensity of these emotions, and hopefully eradicate them.