you know what the worst part is? Not being believed.

First, someone crosses your line. They hurt you, assault you. Then you are left alone with your own body, feeling filthy. Showering for five times straight but the feeling will never fade.

Scared, ashamed, will anybody see?

Often a secret for weeks or months or years. But every second keeping this secret is one second too long! Every day feeling hopeless, something is taken from you, it will never be undone.

Then speaking up, telling. No matter how, #metoo, therapy or just so... it's a step, a huge step. And then, not being believed. It hurts...

And I understand, there are people who are faking it. Those people do exist. But those people definitely need help as well. Those people have problems because this is not something you just lie about for fun. So to those people, please get yourself help. You deserve help even if those stories you told never happened. I'm sure there is something that hurts you, and you're allowed to receive help.

But when you don't believe people who have been sexually assaulted... you might damage them more than the actual trauma.

It's a secret they carry with them. Being ashamed, hating themselves. “did I say no enough?” questioning themselves. Seeing the abuser in daily life, acting like nothing ever happened. How to tell you didn't want it? Or scared it will happen again if you speak out. People who don't understand the severity of the assault. “if you change your mind in the middle of it, you have to understand he couldn't know”. So you just shut up, they don't want to hear your sad story.

And above all, you don't want to be “the girl who got raped/abused by … (friend/dad/teacher)” you just want to forget everything. Act like it didn't happen.

You are broken.

So if there is a chance that a small percentage of people lie about it, why would you even take the chance by judging wrong?

By not believing, you kind of rape her again. Rapes her feelings, her pain. Making sure nobody will ever speak out again. Please be honest, thinking about all the things people say;

–        what did you wear?

–        Did you say clearly no?

–        Have you screamed?

–        Why do tell it this late?

–        Were you sober?

–        Are you sure you didn't provoke him? 

–        He surely didn't mean it that way

–        why would you say that?

–        You still talk to him, you sure it happened?

–        I guess you just have to talk about it together

–        I don't think you can call that abuse

–        you're a slut anyway

–        he does that all the time, don't pay attention to it and it will be okay

And many more things people say. Would you speak out if someone raped you? Would you tell what happened, would you be honest about your feelings.

Would you tell people you showered five times, you threw away the clothes you were wearing, you hate yourself because you “did something wrong.” If you would say that people would definitely question your story. Would you tell you spoke that person after it happened because you acted like nothing happened? Would you explain your next boy/girl-friend why you don't want to have sex or just can't enjoy it? How would you deal with the fear of having a baby-girl because one in five females have to go through sexual assault? Could you explain to your doctor why you want to take an STD test...

So you understand now what the impact is, would you feel free to speak up?

You break people's hearts by not believing them. You destroy their self-worth (or what's left of it after the assault). You spill all trust they have in humanity.

My biggest question... do you want to take the chance of misjudging, hurting someone even more?

Written by ~namasté allday~