Should I Forgive the Person Who Abused Me?

Forgiveness is a big decision.

It’s one that requires a lot of thought and time.

There’s no right or wrong answer.

If you don’t want to forgive your abuser, then don’t.

If you want to forgive the person who abused you, then you absolutely should.

But too often, as survivors, we’re fed this narrative that we HAVE to forgive our abusers in order to move on, and that’s just not true.

I’ve also heard waaaayyy too many people say things like “you’ll be bitter if you don’t forgive.” And I think it’s perfectly ok if we want to be bitter, angry, sad, or hurt.

Those feelings are totally justifiable. Don’t let anyone ever tell you how to feel. Ever.

I haven’t forgiven my abuser. And I don’t think I will (though it’s totally ok for your opinion to change too). My abuser has hurt more than just me and I don’t think he deserves the time or energy I would put into forgiving him. Plus, I spent so many years trying to get my autonomy back after what he did to me. Personally, forgiveness feels like I’d be giving that autonomy up.

Again, if forgiveness feels like the right step for you, please do that.

But so many of us feel like we’re forced to, and that’s not ok.

We all heal differently.

For some of us, forgiveness is part of that healing journey. And for some of us, it isn’t.

-Admin