Sad Forever: Let's Talk About Depression
I was in a mood when I saw this on my YouTube feed, and, I'll admit, I was totally expecting it to feed my mood.
I was caught completely by surprise when it fed me something I did not expect to see on the menu.
Healing…
Empowerment…
Restoration…
I was initially taken aback by his tenor vocal range in this song, as the other song I'd heard him in did not have him singing quite so high, but I was drawn in by the beautiful harmony and heady rhythm.
The lyrics of this song alone are so moving like they reach into the soul of anyone who has found themselves in the quicksand of depression and assigned a spoken word to every fallen tear or piercing beat of the heart.
In addition to the lyrical embrace this song provides, there are subtitles added to this video, written from the artist, which provide a brief, firsthand account of his own personal battle with mental health.
In a world where being sad is looked at like its a problem, where depression is seen as some form of disease, it is difficult enough being a common member of society, doing the best they can to be 'okay.'
So, for there to be such a strong and vocal declaration, from someone as talented as this artist is, someone who does not stand, but lays down in the middle of his stage, vulnerable and alone, and quietly opens his set with words that have very likely played on the hearts of millions of Americans who were fortunate enough to wake up this morning, that is just incredible.
Just incredible.
As the song progresses, the lyrics continue on about how he's trying, one day at a time, to get through life, and how he knows something has to give.
As someone who (like 16.1 million Americans, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association Of America) has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder myself, I can certainly attest to how relatable that feels because a lot of times, it's not like folks who struggle like this want to struggle like this.
I know I don't wake up in the morning and put an Eeyore mask on and set out for my day, in search of everything which is beige in my world.
I don't float throughout my entire day without my feet feeling like they've even touched the ground. It's not because I've been elevated like Pepe LePew, following the trail of his love, but because I feel completely disconnected from everyone and everything that I've encountered.
It's like I'm surrounded by some unseen force field, which does not allow for the feeling associated with anything around me to penetrate its protective barrier to make that connection.
So, I see the world happening around me, yet it's like it's happening to everyone else, just not me.
This phenomenon is also known as dissociation and can range from mild cases like what I have seen to far more severe, which I've known other incredibly wonderful people to battle with.
So, back to the song...
What I love about this video version of the song is how Lauv transitions into sharing how, whereas at first, he was hesitant to seek professional help, he'd later come to the realization that what he'd been trying just was not working.
That's a hard thing for anyone to admit!
So, knowing that he needed help because he couldn't do it on his own, he had to trust his doctor, and, even though he didn't initially want to, or trust it, he followed his doctor's treatment plan.
By the end of the song and video, he tells of how he'd started down his road to recovery, and wanted to dedicate his efforts to helping others find their way to their own recovery road.
The melody itself transitions away from the upbeat climax of the midpoint, back to the quiet, vocal-only tone that it was in the beginning.
And, even though the beginning and ending were alike in melody and tempo, it ensured the song may have come in like a lamb, but went out like a lion.
So, yeah...
This song though...
By the time it had reached its conclusion, not only had I felt this boldness well up in me of wanting to stand a little taller, but I wanted so badly to share it with someone I love dearly, who also battles depression. The only reason I didn't was because I hadn't reached out to her in a little while and I didn't want her feeling like I was being preachy or judgy by sending her this, randomly in the middle of the night, even though if I had, it would have solely been to offer her encouragement and what could have felt like a lifeline.
Perhaps I'll send it to her anyway...
But it definitely moved me enough to make me want to write about it. If for no other reason, but so that it can possibly stand as a lifeline to someone else out there, who may be sitting alone, battling their own private war against mental wellness.
There is such a major stigma attached to the topic of depression, and I have seen firsthand how people can look at you and treat you like you are completely incapable at life just because your chemical imbalance leaves you fighting extra hard to find your way.
Believe that you don't have to, and won't, be sad forever.
Whether it's a result of repeated trauma in life, the way you were created, or the result of your chemicals being rearranged during pregnancy or other physically traumatic life events, depression is not something that people have the right to shame others for, especially if the one with depression is honestly trying to find a way to do better.
Additionally, even if you are struggling with a depressive stage in life, that is YOUR battle. Whether you are blessed with an amazing support group, with someone who will listen to anything you want to talk about at any time, or whether you are completely alone, with insomnia to boot, and the only 'anything' you have to talk to is to type your thoughts out onto a no-name blog that you half-hope no one will ever find, the battles waging in your soul, when you have depression, are uniquely alike, but all YOURS.
Others are entitled to have all of the opinions in the world, but they don't have permission to treat you like trash based on their opinions regarding something they will never truly understand.
No one else can fight it for you, so no one can dictate to you how you chose to fight.
As long as you come to the place where you know you don't want to be sad forever, and you are honestly doing something about it, then cling to that.
Believe in your ability to make it through what is falling at your feet in this moment. Believe that the lessons you learn from overcoming this will help you fight whatever else may come.
Believe that one day, we may live in a world where we are not treated as leapers for having a diagnosis of depression and that depression does not define you as a human.
Believe that you don't have to, and won't, be sad forever.