Recognizing How Love Bombing is Not Real Love

IMAGE: https://images.pexels.com/photos/226166/pexels-photo-226166.jpeg

If you’re unfamiliar with the term love bombing and think it sounds pretty exciting, that’s perfectly understandable. It sounds dangerous and alluring all at the same time. Love bombing involves a barrage of extreme romantic gestures and grandiose declarations fit for a Hollywood rom-com — except it's much more fitting in a psychological thriller.

Statistics collated by the National Domestic Violence Hotline reveal that nearly 50% of both men and women have experienced psychological aggression from a romantic partner. Love bombing is one such example of this. The initial stage is all about reeling you in with sweet nothings and beautiful gifts. However, these are all ploys to win you over — mind, body, and spirit. Once your abuser sees you’ve taken the bait, the bomb drops, and the second phase of love bombing commences: psychological manipulation and destruction.

Signs to Watch Out For

Excessive compliments
Too much of a good thing is bad, and that includes compliments. Because love bombing usually comes from either extremely needy or narcissistic partners, they may use compliments to get the attention they crave. In many cases, love bombers will use compliments to condition you into desiring their approval.

Strict rules on asking permission
It’s important to be considerate of your partner’s feelings. However, when they set a strict precedent of asking permission, that's the first step to enforcing control. Love bombers expect you to seek their approval before making decisions, especially for personal things like what you wear or who you see.

Playing the victim
If they act out of line and their response is to deflect the blame elsewhere—mostly at you—then you have a love bomber. Abusers will often paint themselves as the victims who were merely provoked. This is meant to evoke guilt and doubt in yourself as you pity them for “what you made them do.”

Isolation from your loved ones
This is an insidious act that's often disguised as just them wanting to hang out with you more. But in reality, it's another way to make you feel indebted and guilty while also strengthening your dependence on them. By strategically shrinking your world, you'll be more likely to run to them—and only them—for help.

What to Do if You’re Being Love Bombed

Love bombing is abuse. Remember: nice guys can do bad things, too. Skilled abusers will even use their “nice guy” status as a means to get away with horrible acts. This is all the more reason to be wary of the warning signs of love bombing. Additionally, researchers on the effects of love bombing have found that it may result in lower self-esteem and severe personality disorders later in life.

Because most people don’t know how to identify or even address love bombing, it’s always safer to get professional help. If your partner has begun showing the early signs of love bombing, try talking to a therapist. These mental health professionals are trained to assess your cognition and help you understand negative emotions. Thus, they can help you set healthy boundaries and pinpoint red flags specific to your relationship.

But if you’ve been in the love bombing cycle for a while now, it may be time to seek police assistance. Since love bombers are characterized by possessive behavior and hot-headed outbursts, you may find that, over time, their actions begin to grow in severity. Any instances of violence, threats, and stalking must be reported to law enforcement immediately. During such circumstances, your case will likely be handled by a police officer who can tend to such sensitive crimes. These officers have taken forensic psychology programs that enable them to understand how psychology, social connections, and cognition play a part in abuse and harassment. Depending on your situation, law enforcement officials may suggest filing a restraining order or a legal case. Throughout the process, keep in contact with these law enforcement professionals to ensure your safety and security.

Aside from these, it's vital to reconnect with your loved ones and cut off all contact with your love bomber. They may try to pursue you but don’t give in. Hard as it may be, going cold turkey is the only way to be rid of such a manipulator. And surrounding yourself with a genuine support system will help you forget and rebuild instead.

Trust Your Gut, Love Yourself

Love bombing makes its recipients doubt and blame themselves. That's why you need to be aware of the warning signs. This is especially crucial for new relationships, as love bombing could go unchecked in the honeymoon phase. After all, it's difficult to spot red flags when you see your partner in a completely positive light. Still, look past the rose-colored lens and ask yourself, "Is this person good for me?" Because if not, the best thing to do is move on. Set your boundaries. Know your worth. This way, if anyone tries to love bomb you, you'll know to leave them, there and then.

Article authored by Rhianne Janice

Exclusively written for weareher.net