Obsessive Behavior is Not Romantic

Say it with me.

Obsessive behavior is NOT romantic. 

When I think of obsessive behavior, I think of:

-someone who constantly texts you and needs to know where you are and who you’re with at all times

-jealousy over other interpersonal interactions

-love-bombing

-lack of boundaries or respect for your boundaries

-possessive and clingy behavior

-controlling money or food

-stalking

And while many of these actions can be seen as annoying when experienced as an isolated incident, experiencing a pattern of these can be considered abusive.

Side note: 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️ stalking is NEVER NEVER NEVER ok.

It’s so easy to romanticize these behaviors.

How many times have you watched a rom-com and thought, “omg I would love it if someone would do that for me”? But the reality is, it’s not so cute to have someone make a grand gesture of love irl.

I remember when I was in high school. I had broken up with a boyfriend. I felt relieved. I felt free.

But later that day, HE CAME TO MY HOUSE.

He begged me to get back together with him.

As a sixteen-year-old, all I knew about love was what I saw from my parents (which wasn’t the best example) and what I knew from books and movies (also not great examples). So of course I dated that guy for about a year after that. I’m not saying he was abusive, but his obsessive behavior was not romantic. With my very limited world-view, I thought you were supposed to say yes when a boy made a big romantic gesture to get you back.

If there’s one takeaway from this, please know that obsessive behaviors aren’t romantic.

You deserve healthy and happy relationships with partners, parents, friends, co-workers, and anyone else in your life.

If they need to love-bomb you, react with jealousy, or control you, that’s behavior that’s not ok.

And if you think you’re being stalked, please get help. Stalking can be extremely dangerous. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, tell family or friends, get the police involved, and trust your gut.