Experiencing Violation

A feeling I have never felt before

Constantly traumatized

An experience I will forever have to live

But never remember happening

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You took something from me that night

Something I can never get back

Dignity and love for my body is gone

A constant state of guilt and hate towards myself

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But, regardless of what happened

I have forgiven you for your shitty judgement

And for your rapist actions

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How could I forgive you?

I needed to so I can forgive myself

And so I can remind myself that it wasn't because of me

This is all because of you

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Letting go of you and this incident

The hardest thing I had to do

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But now I can begin the healing process

Reminding myself that I can't live in this mental state anymore

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I need to begin loving myself and my body again

Feel emotions again for this world, myself, and others

Be able to drink and block out the flashbacks of that morning in pain

Love life again rather than hate it

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Most importantly

Not giving you that much power over me

Because in the end, you did not win

I won because of the strength I gained