I Was 13. He Tried to Rape Me.

Where it started isn't a specific point and neither was where it ended, because it feels inescapable.

I was 13 when I met Shane. We were both in the drama club. I was nervous to be a new face, and extremely anxious about receiving the largest female role in my first production. Shane was cast as my character's side kick. We had to spend a lot of time together practicing our lines. We had to build that camaraderie and find the right dynamic for our stage interaction. Our friends would pick and tease about how cute we'd be "together." We just shook it off, and everyone knew I had a "boyfriend" from another school. Even though many young people in our class had already started having sex, I hadn't even had my first kiss. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years, and it was the most innocent of relationships. Jared and I were best friends. We told each other everything. We spent weekends together when he was with his mom. Shane and I were practicing almost every day for two months together—alone and at rehearsals for the play. The night for the big show came, and all three performances went off without a hitch.

School wound down for the year and we all went our separate ways. The normal routine of spending every other weekend with Jared continued like it had the last two years. But then one weekend, he didn't call me. I didn't see him. I didn't hear from him. I called his mom's house, and no one answered. I waited a few days. Nothing. Jared finally called me the next weekend. He admitted that he met someone else at his school this past year, and he'd been spending time with her. My little 13-year-old heart shattered. A few days after we broke up, he put on Facebook he was in a relationship with the other girl.

But then one weekend, he didn't call me. I didn't see him. I didn't hear from him. Jared finally called me the next weekend. He admitted that he met someone else at his school.

I spent the rest of the summer completely heartbroken. As the fall came and I went back to school, I tried to date a few different people, but I felt so lost. Jared had been my other half since I was 10—my best friend and my first boyfriend. The high school play was about to have auditions. I had lost confidence in the sea of the much larger school and ended up opting for a position on crew. I came to rehearsals and watched Shane on stage, as he'd snagged a role as a freshman. Shane and I got to chatting at a few rehearsals when he wasn't on stage. He said that he missed spending time with me and suggested we hang out sometime. Soon we were hanging out at rehearsals every day and then one day on the weekends. I started to realize I had a crush on him. We both volunteered to help as mentors for the junior high production. We were spending a lot of time together with the younger kids. He asked me out the night of the junior school theatre premiere. Of course, I said yes. He was always complimenting me and telling me I was the prettiest girl in the school. I was eating up the attention. He was telling everyone that I was his girlfriend now.

He was always complimenting me and telling me I was the prettiest girl in the school. I was eating up the attention.

As we entered the summer, we started spending every single day together at his house. Neither one of us had a license, and my parents both worked during the day, so his mom would come pick me up in the morning and drop me back off at home at night. One night, his mom stopped by the store to grab a few things. So, she left us alone in the car with his best friend Jackson. I wasn't very fond of Jackson. He always made me uncomfortable. We'd spent a long day playing video games together at Shane's house. I noticed Shane and Jackson were both texting. I turned to ask Shane what he was doing, and he put both hands on the side of my face and kissed me. I pulled back. I'd never been kissed before. I could barely breathe for a minute. I was so taken back. Shane had this huge grin on his face. I knew he'd never kissed anyone before either. I felt so weird. I didn't expect him to kiss me. I didn't prepare for it. I honestly didn't feel ready to kiss him yet, but it was too late now. I brushed it off, as I could see how happy he was.

He texted me later about how great it was to kiss me. I brushed off the odd feeling I had and told myself I should be excited that I had my first kiss. We had been going to the movie theatre one to two times a week, and when we went to the movies later that week, he kissed me, and didn't stop kissing me. I wasn't sure what to do, so I kept kissing him. When I went to pull back, he put his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me back to his lips. After a few minutes, he stopped, and we watched the rest of the movie. I was so confused. It was making him happy. I should be happy, right?

He kissed me, and didn't stop kissing me. I wasn't sure what to do, so I kept kissing him. When I went to pull back, he put his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me back to his lips.

I started to feel sick a lot. I told him I didn't feel good a few days later and wouldn't be coming over. He got mad. He said he could have made other plans, but it was too late now. I had ruined his day. I went over the next day, despite not feeling well. He wanted to go out on the 4-wheeler and I wasn't up to it. He got upset and said if I didn't feel well, why did I bother to come over? I went home. He said he missed me about an hour later. I was getting so confused.

We went to the movies the next day. He came to the door to get me and said, "Why are you wearing that shirt? I told you I don't like that. Go put on that white one you got last week." I felt very uncomfortable. The shirt I had gotten was strapless, and I wasn't comfortable wearing it yet. I went and put it on and he had a huge smile on his face when I came back out. At the theatre, he put his arm around me and grazed my breast with his hand. I moved his hand back to my arm. He reached again. I pushed him back. He got angry. "I'm your boyfriend. I'm not going to hurt you or anything! I wasn't even grabbing or anything." I wasn't budging. I said no. He took his arm off me and sat in silence the rest of the movie. He didn't talk to me and told his mom to take me home. He texted me that night that he was sorry, but I was so beautiful that he couldn't help himself. I should have ran then. I wish I had.

Everything in my head was telling me that there was something wrong. I wish I had listened to my gut. The worst was yet to come.

Shane's compliments were becoming backhanded. Every time I made plans with my friends, he got angry if he wasn't included. The fall semester started, and suddenly none of my old friends were talking to me and no one would tell me why. Shane said I could sit with him and his friends at lunch since mine wanted nothing to do with me suddenly. Shane was getting more aggressive with his physical advances. When I tried to tell him I was uncomfortable, he got angry and accused me of not caring about him and I just must not be attracted to him. He was enveloping my life. His friends were mine. We were spending time together in and out of school. I felt like I didn't have any of my own time.

Shane was getting more aggressive with his physical advances. When I tried to tell him I was uncomfortable, he got angry and accused me of not caring about him.

A week before homecoming, we were talking about making plans with Jackson. Shane told me Jackson and his girlfriend would be spending the night together at a friend's. He made a comment to the extent of, "Well at least his girlfriend cares to show him she loves him." I knew he meant that Jackson and his girlfriend were having sex. Shane and I had only kissed. I had refused all his advances to touch my breasts, my butt, or get rough with me, but my refusals were getting harder and harder, and he was getting pushier. I told him I did love him, but that I wasn't ready. He was angry. I scooted across the couch to kiss his cheek. He grabbed me and shoved me back on the couch and started to grope my breast. I shoved against him, but he had a weight advantage. He put his hand around my neck, almost choking me as he pulled my lips to his. I told him to stop. I pushed and pushed against his chest, his lips smashed against mine. His hand reached for the waistband of my shorts, as he tried to shove his hand into them. I rammed my knee into his groin. He recoiled and sat up. He stared at me in shock, then struck the side of my face with his hand. I jerked my knee back into his crotch and I shoved him onto the floor before I ran up the stairs to the living room. I told his mom I needed to go home, that I didn't feel good. I said Shane was asleep downstairs. She drove me home.

He put his hand around my neck, almost choking me as he pulled my lips to his. I told him to stop. I pushed and pushed against his chest, his lips smashed against mine. His hand reached for the waistband of my shorts, as he tried to shove his hand into them.

He flooded my phone with texts. They started apologetic. They turned angry an hour later, as I didn't reply. My parents weren't home. I cried my eyes out. I felt disgusting. I felt exposed. I don't even remember dialing, but I called Jared. He was the only person I ever trusted, and I needed to hear someone's voice. He answered, and I could tell he was confused. "Andy? Andy? Are you there? Andy, are you crying?”

I hadn't even realized I was hysterically crying. I couldn't even breathe.

"Andy, you need to breathe. Are you hurt? Where are you?" Everything came flooding out. I told him what Shane did. I told him how scared I was of Shane. Jared promised he wouldn't let Shane hurt me and that I would be okay, but I needed to break up with Shane. I called Shane and told him I didn't want to date him anymore. He started crying, saying I was the best thing in his life, that he loved me, and would be a wreck without me. He begged me to stay with him, just give him a week, just until homecoming. I told him no. Jackson called me a few hours later telling me Shane was a mess and that I should just go to homecoming with him and give him a second chance. I stood my ground. I said no.

I took the longest shower of my life after that. The water was scorching hot, and I cried as I scrubbed my skin, wishing to get rid of any trace of him. I didn't want to have any piece of me that he had touched. Soon, I couldn't feel anything. I sat down in the basin, crying until I physically couldn't cry anymore. I stayed in the water long after it had gone cold. When I got out of the shower I examined myself in the floor length mirror. My neck was turning green on one side, and so was my hip on the opposite side. The left side of my face was slightly swollen. I stole one of my mom's old foundation bottles and used it to cover the bruises up. They turned purple and black by the next morning. I caked on the foundation over my neck before my parents got up to take me to school. That week, I found my old friends and found out Shane had told them lies that I thought they were ugly, or too poor for me to be around. I couldn't bear to tell them what had happened, but I explained something bad happened with Shane and I wasn't comfortable talking about it.

I cried as I scrubbed my skin, wishing to get rid of any trace of him.

Despite the acid churning in my stomach, I decided to go to the homecoming football game. It was at our home field, against Jared's school. He offered to come with me to keep me safe. I tried to protest, but he said he wanted to see me and it would be good to catch up. Jared and I pulled up to the homecoming game and he promised that if Shane dared come near me or speak a word, he would beat the life out of him. Jared was a double black belt and trained in MMA with his dad.

We walked into the game. I sat with my old friends and Jared. As we got to the second quarter, I decided to go get a drink. I told everyone I would be right back. After weaving my way through the crowd, I decided to walk around the backside of the concession stand to avoid all the people up front. I got yanked sideways. I was getting dragged basically toward the back exit of the field to the parking lot. It was Shane and Jackson, each with one of my arms, with my feet dragging along in the gravel, as I protested. "Let me go, Shane!" I said, trying to get away from him.

He almost growled through his teeth, "I have some words for you. We need to talk." I couldn't get away from Jackson or Shane.

"Hey!"

It was Jared. He came running up and shoved both boys away from me. He pulled me over by my waist and pushed me behind him. "Whatever the hell you need to say to her you can say to me."

Shane tried to push past him, "My business is with her, not you! Now get the f*** out of my way." Shane reached for my arm.

Jared slapped his hand away from me. "If you so much as lay a hand on her again, I will end you motherf***er. I know what you did. You're lucky I don't break every one of your goddamn fingers for touching her.”

Jackson started popping his knuckles, "Are we going to have to do this the hard way? We are here to talk to her."

Jared cracked his neck. "I do need to be fair here boys, it's two on one." That made Shane and Jackson smile. "But I could kill both of you and I'd smile about it. I'm a double black belt, trained in MMA, and my dad's a marine who trained me in close contact. I'll rip you limb from limb, and if you even dream of touching her again or coming near her, I'll show you what it means to suffer. Now leave."

Shane and Jackson weren't smiling anymore. They started to turn around. Jared put his arm around me, placing a kiss in my hair so that Shane would see. Shane's face went red. Jared winked at him and pulled me along the other way.

I have no doubts whatsoever that if Jared hadn't been there, Shane would have raped me. My skin still crawls thinking about it almost ten years later. Shane was more popular than I was, and he ruined my reputation at school after that. He told everyone I had slept with Jared and he was the victim. I broke his heart right before homecoming. I was a horrible person. I got death threats in my locker. Guys called me a whore. He broke me apart. I only had a few people who dared be seen with me after that. The reputation never escaped me in high school. To this day, the only person who knows the whole truth is Jared.