Dear Rapist, I’m Speaking Out Because of You

I was 16 when I was raped.

At that time, I was the only person I knew who had ever been through something like that. I told two people that year, and I’ve never gotten into details with anyone. I knew that I wasn’t the only person who had ever gone through something like that but it felt like it. I felt like no one would understand how powerless I felt. I knew that I would be judged and put at fault. I blamed myself so much that I couldn’t handle the idea of a loved one blaming me too.Lately I’ve been seeing so many strong women speak out on Facebook about sexual assaults and harassment and it’s so empowering. I’m so thankful to have We Are HER to give me a voice and give me a safe space to talk about what’s happened to me in my own way. My therapist used to tell me that I should write a letter to the man who raped me — to get everything I want to say to him out, to get some peace. This is my letter:When you put drugs in my drink, you took away my power. When you tied me to a bed in the basement of a frat house, you took away my choice. When your friends stood by the door doing nothing, you took away my faith in humanity. Because I feared you, I never told — letting me blame myself for your future victims. You took away my trust and happiness. My PTSD from you raping me triggered my bipolar, which I will struggle with for the rest of my life. I used to be a happy person full of joy and hope; you turned me into a shell of a person — someone who is scared to walk to my car by myself, scared to be alone with anyone. When you raped me, you took away a part of me that I will never get back; you took my innocence.  Because of you, I know how strong I am. I know that I will be able to handle anything that is thrown at me. I might not be the person I was in the past, but I will never be stronger than I am now. You didn’t break me; you will never have my power again; you will never destroy me again. I hope you never have another victim, but if you do, I hope she will be the last woman you ever hurt. I hope that you get locked up, and I hope all your power is taken away from you. And lastly, I hope that you know the pain you caused in my life and it haunts you every day.