Bullshit

It comes up in every conversation, every Facebook post, every comment section about rape.

Specifically, about rapists who have been reported. This ranges anywhere from conversations about our oh-so-illustrious President Donald Trump to any "average Joe" rapist or student athlete or whomever.Some people start off with false equivalency by saying "I'm not saying they're not telling the truth BUT-"Anybody watch Game of Thrones? More than once, a character has commented that everything said before "but" is horseshit. I can understand that argument.It continues with "but, why didn't they report right away? Why didn't they do what I hypothetically think I would do in their shoes?"I don't know, why don't you stop and think about it? Specifically think about if a rich business man, or a popular athlete, or even just a well-liked man in your social circle raped you. You are left trying to cope with the trauma. Maybe you do what I did and push it down. You try to rationalize it or define it in "not rape" terms until you finally explode and admit to yourself that what happened was many a woman's worst nightmare. Maybe you're a man — then you can admit that you couldn't "be a man" who can defend himself. You want to report what happened but by this point, what evidence is there? Any bruises are gone and your vagina no longer hurts. You can't even prove sexual activity happened let alone nonconsensual sexual activity. That’s if there are still bruises or sore genitals — well, that could just have been rough sex.Then think about how the man who did it to you is powerful: powerful in the court of public opinion through business prowess or athletic prowess or what have you. Powerful when it comes to having a lot of money; it's money that buys good lawyers, bad judges, and dirty cops. They're good at twisting the truth, or hiring people to do it for them. Maybe, when they first did that fucking awful deed, they said they'll destroy your life if you tell. They'll hurt your family. They'll make sure no one believes you.Imagine you just want to curl up into a ball forever. Imagine you just want to die. You just want the pain to stop. You want to forget. You want to know why he did this to you. Why?Imagine you find all these women who say it happened to them. Imagine you go to therapy where counselors say your initial reaction of denial is very common.Imagine there are speakers, pamphlets, websites, blogs, accounts by survivors talking about their experiences. The latter is frequently available with an internet connection and a search engine.Then imagine that you get to hear "well-meaning" people say, "well, I'm not saying that isn't true, BUT why didn't they report? Why didn't they report sooner? Why did they settle out of court?"Unspoken, again: "why didn't they do what I think I would do even though I never have been in their shoes?" Or, lesser likely but still possible: "why didn't they do what I did when it happened to me?" (After all, it's not like being sexually assaulted means you're all of a sudden all-wise and compassionate to others).Imagine you know these people who are inherently calling you a liar, whether they mean to or not, are the same people who can find literally any porn they want, any conspiracy thread they want, any subreddit about some obscure old Batman comic, any interview with a celebrity from 1963.But they don't find any of those same websites that helped you hold on to your sanity.They don't find all those victims' stories that are all over the Internet. They get mad about Brock Turner but support Donald Trump and Bill Cosby, or rather, ask those "but" questions.In other words, they believe you are full of shit.In other words, they don't actually care about the truth. They don't seek it out. They don't put themselves in someone's shoes.And even when that person is a likable but total dumbass, so no kidding they're asking stupid questions. It's you, not them, who blogs on We Are HER. It's you who explains and knows that no matter how many posts, how many speeches that survivors give, answering those very "but" questions, people will still ask. People who aren't stupid.And if they're not stupid, then why don't they stop and try to understand?I'm left with that same question I had when I was first raped: why?