A Lifetime of Abuse — and I'm Not Even 20 Years Old

When I was seven years old, I went to a friend’s house for a play date.

Her older brother cornered me in the bathroom and put his hand up my skirt. When I got home that day I told my parents that I didn’t want to play with my friend anymore. I told them her older brother had touched me and I never went back. My parents never said anything about the incident; they never asked any questions or brought it up again. When I was 14, I snuck out of a sleepover to go to a party. I ended up drinking too much and passed out. The people I was with locked me in a car overnight in my own vomit. The next week at school, people kept telling me that I had slept with one of the guys at the party. How could I have done that if I had passed out 15 minutes into being there? No one told me the truth about that night and I still don’t know what could have happened to me that night.

What kind of world do we live in where someone who is not even 20 years old can experience so many types of sexual assault already?

A few summers ago, a man at a local music event in my town grabbed me by my hair and tried to force me into his car. Thankfully, a bouncer saw it happening and helped me and called the police. This happened less than a year after I was raped. I couldn’t get out of bed the next day. I felt like I couldn’t breath; I felt so unsafe. Every memory of the night I was raped circled in my head. The what ifs gave me nightmares for months — what could have happened to me if that bouncer hadn’t had been there.I have been grabbed by a strange man at night three different times this year because I wouldn't give them attention. What kind of world do we live in where someone who is not even 20 years old can experience so many types of sexual assault already? For the first time in my life, I feel like people are starting to talk about sexual assault and harassment and holding men accountable for their behavior. I hope the next generation of women don’t have to grow up scared that their friend's older brother might touch them or that they can’t go to a party without the risk of being raped.