Survivor Story: Meet Melanie
Trigger Warning: The following contains content about sexual assault, domestic violence, and suicide that some readers may find disturbing and/or potentially triggering. Reader discretion is advised.
Meet Melanie.
Melanie was born and raised in Missouri, and she loves her wonderful parents who have been together since grade school. She is happily married to her high school crush and is a proud boy mom. Melanie is a survivor, and she wants to use her story to help others.
Melanie was 19 years old when she became involved with her abuser who was seven years her senior. She had just gotten out of a five-year relationship, and he had just gotten out of a four-year relationship with the mother of his child.
“That red flag looks an awful lot like a pink flag with little hearts on it.”
Melanie’s relationship with him started moving fast. He gave her a key to his apartment for Christmas, and after only three months of dating, Melanie had completely moved in with him. He told Melanie to quit her job and that he would take care of her. She helped him with his son who was only six months at the time, and Melanie felt like she was a part of his little family.
“Sometimes it’s hard for us to see those red flags ourselves and I was a teenager who watched a lot of Twilight and Nicholas Sparks movies. But when you are 19 years old and someone tells you that you don’t have to work and they will take care of you and you can do whatever you want, that red flag looks an awful lot like a pink flag with little hearts on it.”
About a year into her relationship, Melanie’s abuser started cheating on her. He was talking to many other women online behind her back and sending them money. He would gaslight Melanie and abuse her emotionally and verbally. He told her that he was talking to other women because she was ugly, but that she couldn’t talk to anyone else because no one else would want her.
Around this time is when Melanie’s abuser started getting physically abusive. There was one incident where he locked her in his bedroom and accused her of wanting to be with someone else. When she told him that she didn’t and that he was being ridiculous, he broke the screen on her phone and backhanded her out of the chair. After that, little things would happen, such as him slapping or hitting Melanie when he got mad. After these instances, he would always apologize, claim he was going to work on becoming a better man, and he would buy gifts to make up for it.
“He went through spurts where he was so perfect and loving, to being hateful and abusive.”
The next year, things got worse as abuse escalated to torture. There are more instances than Melanie can count where she was duct-taped to the bed, tortured, and raped. Melanie remembers one incident in specific: he bound her to a chair with computer cables, beat her, branded her with a heated knife on her legs, and suffocated her by wrapping her face with saran wrap.
Melanie tried to fight this by hiding the duct tape in the apartment so he couldn’t find it. But at night, her abuser barricaded them in the bedroom with the bed and couch blocking the door as well as blocking the front door so Melanie couldn’t leave the house at all. If she needed to use the bathroom, he would have to come with her so she wouldn’t run. Her abuser had complete control over her as he was able to hack computers, and he took her phone and had all her social media passwords. Melanie was completely cut off, she had no contact with anyone.
“One day, I left. I don’t remember what led up to it or how I did it. But I said enough is enough and left.”
However, leaving wasn’t enough for Melanie to get out. Her abuser continued harassing, threatening, and blackmailing her. Finally, he said he’d leave Melanie alone for good if she just met him in person to talk. Melanie agreed to meet him in hopes of everything finally being over. They met in a parking lot of a small plaza near her parents’ house that she had moved back into. They walked, talked, and argued. They ended up in a nearby neighborhood where they sat in a wooded area. When they decided to go their separate ways, Melanie’s abuser went in to help her up and ended up pulling her and then throwing her down the hill into a bush in the woods. As Melanie rolled down the hill, he chased after her, put one hand over her mouth and the other around her throat, and told her not to make a sound. Melanie braced herself for the worst, and as she was struggling and fearing for her life, a stranger saw what was going on. The stranger let Melanie into his car and he took her to a safe house nearby where he called the police.
Melanie went to court with her dad to file a restraining order. Melanie was terrified because a few years prior, the woman he cheated on Melanie with pressed charges against him. She was thrown to the wolves, she was not granted a restraining order and her case was thrown out. Melanie feared that the same would happen to her.
“One day, I left. I don’t remember what led up to it or how I did it. But I said enough is enough and left.”
Melanie started dating again, but her abuser continued to harass her. He would hack all of her social media accounts no matter how many times Melanie changed her passwords. He would also threaten and blackmail Melanie to keep in contact with him, as well as post things about her and message her friends, family, and anyone he thought she was dating.
“The harassment got so bad, I tried to commit suicide. I couldn’t live the rest of my life this way. I couldn’t live in constant fear. I couldn’t live a life where I cried all day and all night. I couldn’t live a life that was controlled by someone else.”
In October of 2012, Melanie started dating the man who is now her husband. It was difficult for Melanie as she had to hide that she was still speaking to her ex because she feared that if she cut off communication with him, he would destroy her life more. After a little while, Melanie explained to her boyfriend that she had been in a relationship previously that was abusive and that he was still harassing her. She didn’t share many details, but her boyfriend stuck around no matter how hard things got and helped picked up Melanie’s broken pieces.
Melanie was continuously harassed and stalked from 2012-2014, up until her abuser was arrested. Melanie received a call from her abuser’s sister with information that he had been arrested, and she begged Melanie for help because the girl her abuser was with was ‘lying’ to get him arrested. Melanie was scared, she felt she couldn’t say no because then when he got out, he’d make her life worse than he already had. She didn’t want to speak against him at court because she feared that he’d get out and be even madder that she went against him. Melanie couldn’t live that life anymore.
It took a lot of convincing, but a detective assured her that with her story and the evidence they had, her abuser would go to prison for a long time. Melanie worked alongside the detectives and gave her statements. She also changed her phone number, and for the first time in a long time, Melanie could pause and take a breath.
“I cried in that courtroom at his sentencing because I was finally free. I was finally able to breathe. No more living in fear that he’d kill me or my family. No more blackmail. No more.”
In 2015, Melanie’s abuser was sentenced. Melanie had put in days of difficult, retraumatizing work to get her abuser sent to prison. She had to relive her most traumatic and intimate moments just to have his lawyers call her a liar and humiliate her. But soon after, Melanie got a call that he’d agreed to a plea deal and he would be locked up in jail for 25 years. This was bittersweet for Melanie. Twenty-five years is a long time, but it’s not long enough for the horrors and heinous acts Melanie had to live through.
“I cried in that courtroom at his sentencing because I was finally free. I was finally able to breathe. No more living in fear that he’d kill me or my family. No more blackmail. No more.”
Today, Melanie is married to her high school crush and they have a beautiful family together. Her husband is her biggest supporter as he introduced her to the idea of therapy and encourages her to share her story as well as travel to continue her healing journey and help others. In addition, Melanie has the support of her wonderful friends as well as other survivors she’s met and formed a sisterhood with.
“He thought he broke me. He thought he destroyed my life. He only made me stronger and lit a fire in me.”
This experience has changed Melanie’s whole life. Melanie suffers from PTSD, nightmares, and is working on her hypervigilance when out in public. She has had to cut ties with old friends who are close to her abuser’s family as well as people who believed him over her.
To Melanie, healing is not linear. It’s messy, it’s beautiful, it’s manic. Sometimes she is traveling the world and other days she is laying in bed crying, and anywhere in between. Melanie doesn’t put a time frame or limit on her healing, she is always growing.
“I think it’s important to know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not an easy road, and it may take a couple of tries, but you will get there. I was able to completely turn my life around and find the love I deserve, and everyone deserves that love.”
This is part of our Survivor Story series, where we help a survivor share their story on our blog. This piece was written by Kelsey Flanagan, a We Are HER volunteer. Interested in sharing your story? Email stevie@weareher.net.