Survivor Story: Meet Kristina
Trigger Warning: The following contains content about sexual assault, domestic violence, incest, and suicide that some readers may find disturbing and/or potentially triggering. Reader discretion is advised.
Meet Kristina.
At 31, Kristina is a wife as well as a mother to her two boys, ages 5 and 12. She is also a mother to her cats Shadow and Eclipse, that she loves to cuddle with. Kristina is passionate about all things purple and sparkly and loves avocados. When she is not busy being a mom and wife, Kristina enjoys creating digital art and working on her healing.
Growing up, Kristina was made very aware of child sex abuse. Her mother had been abused as a young child, so when Kristina was able to grasp the concept at a young age, her mother made sure to inform Kristina about the abuse she endured as well as ask if Kristina had experienced any trauma.
Kristina’s mother had her when she was 18, and when Kristina was 7, her mother met Kristina’s stepfather. They got married and moved away from friends and family for 4 years. When they came back to Kristina’s hometown, she was a teenager.
“I was never a bad kid, just unique. I didn’t want to follow the mold my parents wanted for me… so that automatically made me problematic to them. But when I hit 16, something flipped. I wasn’t terribly rebellious but I just disliked my parents, especially my stepdad. I don’t know why but I did.”
As Kristina experienced adulthood, she always felt like she had experienced some kind of sexual abuse, but she could never recall it. This led Kristina to believe that she was just sensitive about it because of her mom’s trauma.
In 2019, Kristina’s family found out that her stepfather had cheated on her mother with multiple other women. This escalated into a physical fight between Kristina’s parents, blood and all. Kristina rushed on over to help out and check on her sisters who were still living with her parents. Kristina had a gut feeling that something was wrong. She sprinted to the bathroom and saw her mother ingesting a plethora of pills in an attempt to end her life.
A year later, Kristina and her family are still dealing with the aftermath of her mom trying to die by suicide as well as an overload of information that has come out about her stepfather's affairs.
Kristina has been dealing with horrid night terrors that are sexual in nature and have to deal with her stepdad and herself. The feeling that something happened kept nagging at Kristina; she could feel that her stepfather had done something wrong to her.
“I just thought I was psycho, had horrible daddy issues, and mixed with everything going on… it was just creating these nightmares.”
Kristina recalls one day when she was sharing her nightmares with her aunt on her mother’s side. Her aunt’s eyes got wide, and she told Kristina that she needs to communicate her dreams with her mother. Kristina wasn’t willing to confront her mother, so she pried information out of her aunt until she admitted that she knew something, but couldn’t say anything because she didn’t want to lose her sister's trust.
It was Kristina’s uncle who informed Kristina that her stepfather had admitted in a polygraph and in therapy that he molested her while she was sleeping. Kristina was 16 years old when her stepfather did this to her.
“I already knew deep down but didn’t admit it to myself. I was more shocked and hurt that my mother knew about this for a few months already and didn’t tell me and didn’t seem to be planning to tell me either.”
Moving forward with this has been all but easy for Kristina. Kristina confronted her mother about what happened. Her mother placed the blame on Kristina and claimed that her trauma was far worse than Kristina’s trauma. Her parents also made an effort to hide Kristina’s trauma from everyone else, and one of Kristina’s younger sisters believes that Kristina is being selfish for sharing her story because it is harming the family.
“I didn’t do this. I didn’t ask for him to come into my room, I didn’t ask for any of this. HE chose to come in, HE made a decision that wasn’t wise, so if I decided to share MY story and it hurts HIM… I don’t care. He didn’t think about my feelings or how what he did hurt me.”
Kristina’s relationship with her mother was becoming toxic, so she cut her mother and stepfather out of her life.
“You are valid, those feelings are valid, it is all valid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because, yes, my brain doesn’t remember details but my body sure does. ”
Kristina took the brave and difficult step in reporting her stepfather as her abuser. However, going through the reporting process and cutting out her toxic parents doesn’t mean this terrible nightmare is over. Kristina is still waiting to get a detective assigned to her case, and her husband works with her stepfather. Kristina’s husband has been looking for another job, but due to the pandemic, it is difficult as he’s fighting with 500+ other people for the same job.
Through it all, Kristina has some amazing people in her life. Her husband Mark has always been patient with her as well as strong for her family. Kristina’s two best friends Jenna and Tara also mean the world to her. They are always there for Kristina as they listen as Kristina decompresses. They also give Kristina helpful advice and validate her feelings, which is so important. Lastly, Kristina’s therapist has been a very important person in her life as she’s been extremely helpful and supportive.
This trauma has impacted Kristina mentally, emotionally, and physically. She is not on speaking terms with either of her parents, one of her sisters is siding with her stepdad, and she feels her other two sisters are walking on eggshells around her which makes things weird. Kristina has also been experiencing depression and anxiety due to the abuse as well as thinking about what might happen if the police take her case.
To Kristina, healing looks like letting herself be in her feelings, not feeling guilty about feeling, and dealing with what she’s feeling. In the past, Kristina has been afraid to show her feelings, but that’s only hurt her. So now she is trying her best to deal with them. Kristina says it’s a slow process, and most days she just wants to lay in bed and hide from the world, but she’s trying to heal one step at a time.
Kristina believes it’s important for others to know that even if you don’t have proof or remember the abuse, it’s still valid.
“You are VALID, those feelings are VALID, it is all VALID. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because, yes, my brain doesn’t remember details but my body sure does. Those feelings I remember and that is VERY real. It would almost be easier if I did remember because then I could deal and pinpoint it but not exactly knowing what happened but knowing SOMETHING happened is difficult. It makes you doubt yourself but DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF. Stay strong in your convictions and feelings.”
This is part of our Survivor Story series, where we help a survivor share their story on our blog. This piece was written by Kelsey Flanagan, a We Are HER volunteer. Interested in sharing your story? Email stevie@weareher.net.