I used to be innocent
Carefree
Unafraid
Untouched
Until you happened

I used to enjoy life
To be able to sleep through the whole night
Not having thoughts of hurting myself

I was young, vulnerable, naive
We were so close
I trusted you
And yet you took advantage of that
You took advantage of me

For years I told myself it was normal
That it was what cousins did
I had convinced myself that nothing was wrong

Yet I still felt so empty inside
The voices inside my head wouldn't stop
They wouldn't shut up
"Cut a little deeper"
They'd say
"You don't deserve to be here"
They'd whisper all night

And it never left my mind
The most graphic flashbacks
As I lay to sleep, they all keep flooding in
Nightmares of the trauma
Keeping me up until the early hours of the morning

The amount of showers turned panic attacks
Sitting curled up in a ball on the cold, wet tile
Crying, hyperventilating, remembering
Hoping, praying for it to end

You have caused numerous late nights
Of tears pouring down to my folded hands
Begging God to give me the strength to continue
Asking him to heal me quicker

You are the reason I have scars
The thoughts and memories infesting my mind
The red lines all over my wrists, ankles, hips

You are the reason I can't focus
Because no matter what,
It all keeps flooding back

I don't feel safe anymore
Paranoia follows me everywhere
For I feat that you're still lurking
That you're the monster under my bed

Because we were all so close
And you took my family away from me
All twenty-two of us
It was ours
And you snatched it from me the second you laid your fingers on me
I refuse to accept that we are related by blood

The sound of your name makes my heart race
Because now I don't want to be touched
I don't want to remember

You have ruined all intimacy
All feelings of comfort
My safety

And I don't want your pity
Because you can't take back your actions
Yet you continue to do the same things to others
Ruining their lives like you did mine

This cycle needs to stop.
With you and everyone else like you
Because you guys are promoters of rape culture
And no one deserves to be a victim.