Trigger Warning: The following contains content about sexual assault that some readers may find disturbing and/or potentially triggering. Reader discretion is advised.  

Meet Sandie. 

Sandy is a mother, health enthusiast, and art lover. She is currently studying to become an herbalist in hopes of helping others stay healthy. Sandie is also proud to be a member of RAINN’s Speaker Bureau. Her passions include writing and working out, and she also loves doing arts and crafts as well as eating healthy. 

When Sandie was 17 years old, her older neighbor enticed her into his apartment. He was three years older than her, and he was close to Sandie as their families were close. He locked the door of his empty apartment, and forced himself upon her. Sandie was paralyzed in fear, unable to fight back. She describes the assault as an out of body experience, as it was like she was watching herself from outside her body. 

Sandie was raised an observant Catholic, and her virginity was something that was special to her. She had dreamed of saving her virginity until marriage to give it away to someone special. Instead, her rapist robbed Sandie of her virginity, confidence, and dignity. 

Sandie told some close friends, but didn’t disclose many details. She also broke up with her boyfriend at the time because he was afraid that he wouldn’t understand. This trauma made it difficult for Sandie to trust others as her neighbor was someone she had previously trusted. Sandie started showing symptoms of depression and social anxiety, and she began to abuse drugs and alcohol as well as self harm to numb the pain. 

“I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was depressed and had social anxiety and it was hard to trust easily.” 

Sandie was hesitant to report her rape because of how close her family was with her rapist. He would take her to school sometimes and she went on family trips with him and his family. She also didn’t want anyone else knowing what happened to her. 

It wasn’t until twenty years later that Sandie shared her whole story when she confided in her high school boyfriend. Fortunately, he and her closest friends supported Sandie and they encouraged her to keep moving forward and continue telling her story. She also Reached out to RAINN and We Are HER. 

Sandie believes it’s important for others to know that if you go through any kind of abuse, you should speak up. She urges victims and survivors to report what happened to them because she doesn’t want others to regret not reporting like she did. 

Still, not a day goes by where Sandie doesn’t think about the rape. However, Sandie has done a lot to heal. To Sandie, healing includes taking care of her mind and body. Sandie does this through meditation and yoga, writing, exercise, and therapy. She now has a son and boyfriend who she loves with her whole heart. 

“Healing is taking all the anger, hurt, and regret and creating something beautiful like a painting.” 

This is part of our Survivor Story series, where we help a survivor share their story on our blog. This piece was written by HER’s Fall 2020 Intern Kelsey Flanagan. Interested in sharing your story? Email stevie@weareher.net.