Trigger Warning: The following contains content about sexual assault that some readers may find disturbing and/or potentially triggering. Reader discretion is advised.  

Meet Alex. 

Alex is a student, nature and photographer lover, and advocate for mental health and sexual assault awareness. She is studying at Stockton University and plans on majoring in Social Work so that she can have a positive impact on as many individuals as possible.

August 21, 2017, is a night Alex will always remember. It is the night that Alex was raped, which was the start of the hardest journey she has had to endure.

Alex was at a party with her friends where she ended up seeing a boy who she had met twice prior to that night. When she had previously met this boy, he seemed like a cool and nice guy. He and Alex ended up talking at the party and went for a walk in the front yard where he led her to another house down the street. They ended up at an outdoor shower and at this point, Alex had given him full consent. 

Things began escalating quickly and Alex grew uncomfortable. Alex told him that she needed to leave because her friends would be looking for her, but he dismissed her by telling her that his friends weren’t looking for her and that she should just wait. He held Alex down, terrifying her to the point where she laid there frozen, unable to speak or move. When he was done, Alex got dressed and ran as fast as she could to her friends as she started to have a panic attack. When she reached her friends, the only words she could get out were “he wouldn’t let me go.” 

“I know my story was not the ‘usual’ story where I was forced completely. Consent can be taken away at ANY POINT. There were so many times I blamed myself because I did give consent at first, but the truth to it all is that if consent was taken away, he should have been ok with that and let me leave. No one and I mean NO ONE should ever have this power taken away.” 

About an hour after telling her friends, Alex found herself sitting in the car in front of her house. It was Alex’s two best friends at the time who told Alex’s mother and stepdad that she had just been raped. Alex and her mother went back and forth trying to decide what to do: whether they should call the cops now or in the morning. Alex was so drained and traumatized that she asserted to her mother that she wasn’t going to deal with it right then and there. 

“The next morning, I had woken up and hoped that last night was all just a nightmare, not even knowing what this day would bring me.” 

When Alex’s mother came home from work that day, she took Alex to the hospital where Alex got a rape kit done. 

“This had to have been one of the most traumatizing experiences I have EVER gone through. Although it was hard to understand in the moment, my mom was doing what was best for me in the long run. I could not be more grateful that she had brought me to the hospital that next morning.”

Since the night of Alex’s assault, she has tried to share her story with as many as possible in hopes of helping others understand the effects of rape and what consent really means. A majority of those in her life have shown support for her. Her friends and family have always supported the fact that she has gone to therapy for her trauma, and they have always allowed her to speak of what had happened as well as physically be there for her when she needs it. 

However, it has not always been easy to disclose her trauma to some of her loved ones. In fact, one individual accused Alex of lying because her rapist could ‘never do such a thing because of how nice he was.’ 

“For the longest time, I was always worried that no one would believe, but soon learned that it does not matter what people think because it is MY story.” 

Although this trauma has impacted Alex, she likes to focus on the positive impact it has had on her. It took Alex a while to realize that what had happened was not her fault, but once she did, she realized what she wanted to do with her life. Alex is now passionate about spreading awareness about mental health and sexual assault. She wants to share her story to as many audiences as she can so that more people are comfortable sharing their own. It is important to Alex that survivors know that what happened to them is not their fault and that people will believe them as well as their stories. She wants survivors to know that they are not alone and that they will get through this. 

Alex’s healing is not linear. Her journey has been a series of ups and downs, and Alex finds herself in the middle of her healing journey as she is still learning what coping methods work best. Alex is still learning to process what happened to her that night as she is still working on healing herself. 

“I can tell you what I hope to feel like when I have healed through. I hope to love myself. I hope to love myself so much that I let go of all my past judgments I have had on myself. I hope to love myself the way I spread love to others. I may not be at this point right now, but I am on my way to my goal and I will make it there.” 

This is part of our Survivor Story series, where we help a survivor share their story on our blog. This piece was written by HER’s Fall 2020 Intern Kelsey Flanagan. Interested in sharing your story? Email stevie@weareher.net.