Meet Maria. 

Maria Fantozzi is a current student at Syracuse University, former writer of the We Are HER newsletters, and a survivor. She is majoring in Political Science with a concentration in American government. 

Maria’s first-ever boyfriend was emotionally and sexually abusive. She was only 15 years old. This relationship only lasted three months, and after it ended, it was Maria's friends who helped her come to the realization that she had experienced abuse. Her friends play a huge role in being her support system, as they believed in her and encouraged her to go to the local women’s resource center for therapy. They took her to her first therapy appointment and even went inside with her. They were also patient with her healing and stuck by her side as she remembered more things and as her story grew. 

“Growing up, I was only ever warned about strangers in dark alleys or boys in frat house basements. So, when it did happen to me, I knew that it felt wrong but I didn’t think it could be considered sexual abuse because he was my boyfriend.” 

Maria comes from a small town in Northern Michigan where word gets around fast. When Maria came forward about the abuse she endured, word got out to her abuser’s family. The father of her abuser was a very well respected and prominent pastor in her town, and the mother of her abuser contacted Maria via Facebook and threatened to sue for slander. This brought on a lot of anxiety as Maria not only had to cope with the trauma of being emotionally and sexually abused, but she also had to worry about the backlash she was receiving from confiding in others about the abuse.

Although the abusive relationship was brief, the effects are lifelong. In the years immediately following the assault, Maria found herself struggling with eating disorders, self-harm, flashbacks, and nightmares. Seeing her abuser at school was traumatizing and she found herself struggling in school. Maria found herself abusing alcohol, which unfortunately led to another assault she experienced at the hands of one of her abuser’s acquaintances. 

“I definitely didn’t fit into the “beautifully broken” ideal that society wants to see from survivors. I was messy and I was angry.” 

Maria is now six years into her healing journey. In the beginning, Maria’s method of healing was realizing and accepting that she is not weak or overreacting just because she thought what happened to her could have been worse. Nowadays, Maria’s healing consists of a lot of self-care. This includes yoga and painting. In addition, Maria is unlearning the ideas and behaviors that her parents and society have planted in her head that led her to believe that the way her abuser was treating her was normal. Maria has also found herself getting involved in communities like We Are HER and connecting with other survivors. Maria is working on taking all her anger and turning it into motivation to help make the world a better and more just place. 

This is the first story in our Survivor Story series, where we help a survivor share their story on our blog. This piece was written by HER’s Fall 2020 Intern Kelsey Flanagan. Interested in sharing your story? Email stevie@weareher.net.