Small town. Small town girl. Small town, catholic girl.

Small town girl has big dreams. Small town girl leaves small town. Small town girl abandons religion given to her and small town ideologies. Small town girl leaves on new adventure because perceived support from man. Small town girl regretfully returns to small town.That would be the most worn down, bare bone version of my life. “Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…” Wait, no. Focus. Ok.Growing up, I lived in a small town. Actually, I did not even live in a “town.” I lived in the country so I do not have a “hometown” to claim. My address, high school, area code, and nearest town geographically to “the farm” were all different.That said, let’s just say hometown for the sake of not confusing you further.

While I did get the “If you start having sex, make sure you use condoms, and tell me and we will go to the OBGYN and get birth control pills,” I was also told that many sex acts were “not allowed.”

My hometown was and is very conservative. The catholic church I was raised in separated males and female to talk about sex and by “talk about sex,” I mean we watched a video full of scare tactics and blatant lies, including the correlation of birth control and sexual transmitted STIs.  My mother believed all of these things. While I did get the “If you start having sex, make sure you use condoms, and tell me and we will go to the OBGYN and get birth control pills” talk, I was also told that many sex acts were “not allowed.” The phrase “ladies just don’t do those things” and “that’s an exit only” come to mind when talking about oral sex and anal sex, respectfully. Needless to say, I did receive some constructive advice, but it was clouded with shame and scare tactics.Today, I am not that girl. I hardly remember her. Today, I have four years of active duty military, five different moves, a marriage, a divorce, a life altering heartbreak, and a wealth of knowledge shaping me, remolding that small town girl into the liberal, sex-nerd who is writing to you now.My personal story is one of manipulation. I so very much want to please the people in my life, especially my partner. I want to see the good in everyone and be willing to look past so much, hoping to find the good person underneath. What I got in the end was one very eventful summer ending with the hardest decision I have ever had to make.