This story is the second of a three-part series where we asked the experts “How do I know if I’m healed?” In this post, Brianna Wedekind of Freedom House in Princeton, IL, shares her thoughts on Empowerment. In an abusive relationship or sexual assault, victims are stripped of their power and control over their body, choices, boundaries, and safety. Empowerment is a significant piece to healing. It is the restoration of our own power and control in our lives. Reestablishing a sense of control after abuse or assault is necessary to recovering but should be done only on the survivor's terms and timeline.First and foremost, it is imperative to understand that the abuse or assault is never your fault. This is usually difficult to accept because there tends to be a significant amount of guilt surrounding the abuse or assault that took place. Victims often feel there is something they could have said or done differently that would have prevented the violence they endured. However, this is not true. Your power, your choice, your voice was taken from you. It is not your fault.Find a strong, healthy support system of people who respect you. These people could be family members, friends, counselors, mentors, or other survivors. Your support system should be able to validate your feelings, believe without judgment, and encourage you to take actions you are comfortable with and not make you feel pressured. Many people want to offer advice, but providing you with information that helps you to make your own decisions is more beneficial and empowering. There are many important people in our lives whom we value their thoughts and opinions. However, you are trying to regain a sense of control in your life, so individuals who are trying to tell you how to make your own decisions are probably not the best to include in your support system. It is okay if your best friend, parent, or someone you are really close to is not included in your support system. You have to make decisions that are best for you.

Your power, your choice, your voice was taken from you. It is not your fault.

Lastly, rediscover yourself and the person you want to be. You survived a horrific experience that took away your power and self-worth. Restore your power and control by taking time for you and practicing healthy coping mechanisms. Seek the things that bring you happiness and show yourself compassion. You know yourself better than anyone else. Build your self-esteem by recognizing your strengths and capabilities. We don’t typically acknowledge all of the great qualities about ourselves. Yet, when we do, it can make us feel so powerful. You have the power to determine how you react to everything around you. Following an abusive relationship or sexual assault, you won’t wake up the next day and feel empowered. It takes time. Each choice you make, no matter how small, is a step towards empowerment.

Brianna WedekindChild & Teen CounselorFreedom House