By Stephanie O’Reilly

It was the fall of 2018 and I had recently been hit (somewhat metaphorically) with my entire past flooding back into my life. I had spent so much time blocking it out and while I knew it would catch up with me eventually, I still wasn’t ready. Feeling like I was spiraling and fast, I started researching therapists, and, within a few weeks, I was sitting in my new therapist’s office with a stupid grin on my face explaining some of the worst moments of my life.

Feelings weren’t really my strong suit. For the most part, they still aren’t. Luckily, my therapist worked around the grin. As we started to unpack the layers of the severe sexual abuse, trauma, and torture that encapsulated my entire childhood and teen years, I kept talking about how I wanted to share my story and help others, but how I was terrified of being judged or not being believed. Soon after that conversation, I happened to stumble upon the We Are HER and found their blog.

While I was terrified to write down my biggest secrets, my worst experiences, my nightmares, something about the blog made me feel like I could do it. It could’ve been the way they let me hold all the cards, or how I felt I was finally in control of my story, or that I felt completely comfortable. These were all things I did not have for most of my life.

I had held onto these stories for as long as I could remember. Every scar, every sound, every smell, I remembered every single detail, and most of it I had never shared with anyone. The HER blog changed all that. It allowed me to put it all out there in whatever way made me feel most comfortable. It allowed me to keep control. It was scheduled to post weeks out, so I could easily change my mind. I was able to choose a pen name, so no one knew it was me unless I told them. It almost felt too good to be true, but I went for it. I wrote my story, read it a million times, rewrote it, and let it set in my drafts as I contemplated if I was really ready to send it. Finally, I emailed it in.

Little did I know how much this would change my life.

Before I knew it, I was submitting stories as fast as I could write them. It felt freeing to be able to share without judgment and with people who would understand even a fraction of what I had gone through. I wanted people to know that they weren’t alone, and it felt great knowing I wasn’t either. I wanted people to know that while healing is hard, I could see a sliver of the future and I didn’t want to let go. 

As I continued therapy religiously every week for the next 3+ years, I started sharing my journey about healing. Talking about how healing is actually the hardest part because you aren’t finding who you were before, but you are trying to figure out who you are now. It’s a lot of work learning how to process, grieve, and set boundaries. My abuse started when I was six years old, so there were things so deeply ingrained in me, I didn’t even realize they weren’t normal.  

When I first started writing for the blog, I never imagined a time when I would put my name on an entry without a second thought. I never thought I would be lucky enough to work with the HER organization and provide the same level of support to survivors that were given to me years before. But here we are.

The thing about being an abuse survivor is that we are all part of this terrible club that we never asked to be a part of in the first place. Then we have to defend what happened to us, we lose people who don’t want to accept reality, and we have to really focus on ourselves for once which can feel pretty lonely. Knowing that I wasn’t alone helped my healing, and it made me want to help others when I was ready to do so.

Over the years, I have continued to work with other non-profit organizations as well are the HER organization, supporting survivors in any way I can, trying to be the person that I so desperately needed when I was younger. A safe space for survivors is a rare find & the HER organization is one of those finds.

I will never be able to fully express what HER means to me. Providing me with an outlet during the hardest times of my healing journey, keeping in touch and checking in, and constantly reminding me I wasn’t alone.  

While HER has evolved and continues to do amazing things, without the blog that drew so many of us in, we wouldn’t be where we are today. We want you to know that you aren’t alone, that we believe you, and that this is a safe space. Thank you to Stevie, our amazingly brave leader, for creating an outlet that helped me get where I am today.

“I no longer have a secret; I have a story.”