As I drove up to the driveway to my parent’s house, I tried to gather my composure before going into the house.

Wiping tears off my cheeks, my mom welcomed me with a hug and told me everything will be okay — she would help me through everything. We searched for an attorney online and weren’t even sure what we were looking for. We were only able to find one attorney who was accepting new clients.My ex-husband and I were ordered by the judge to go to a mediator prior to a hearing to try to resolve the parenting plan. I had to use one of the mediators the judge recommended, which meant I was required to drive six hours to attend an appointment. Every time I had a meeting scheduled, my ex wouldn’t be able to make it. He stated he needed at least three weeks notice.My ex pushed off the mediator long enough and ended up having to go to a court hearing. My mom and I gathered all the information needed for defending my case for court and did the six-hour drive. It caused me an atrocious amount of anxiety and stress. My mind was whirling with uncertainty on the outcome. I knew I had taken the best care I possibly could for my daughter. I was so lucky I had my mom there to help me through the hearing, and she was happy to be my witness. We met with the attorney the morning of the hearing, and it was so incredibly disheartening. I felt he was not competent. He didn’t know my case very well and didn’t have any additional documents to take with us to court. I didn’t have any other choice at this point, because court was in a few hours.

We ran through how he said how court would go. I was shaking just going through it with my mom and my attorney. But I felt like I was ready.

As we walked into the courtroom, my heart felt like it was going to tear through my chest. We were required to sit up by the judge and my ex sat at the table next to us. As he came into the room, he brought approximately 15 people to the hearing. I felt this was so inappropriate. My attorney told me that he thought that it was an intimidation factor and to try not to look at them in the pews. But how could I not? And I knew most of the people from being with my ex. All I could think of was that I hope all these people see that I’m not the terrible person he is making me out to be.

The hearing began. I was asked to take the stand first.

I wanted to throw up walking up to take a seat at the stand. My ex was representing himself, so he was asking me questions. I answered everything truthfully and respectfully. I did want my daughter to have a relationship with her father regardless of how I felt about him — that is what a mother is supposed to do, do everything she can for the best interest of her children. I never once said anything negative and neither did my mom up on the stand. But the best interest for my daughter was not to be with her father primarily and with me secondary. She needed her mom and I was the one who ensured her welfare and took care of her.When my ex took the stand, my attorney went through his questions. The judge had caught him in a couple lies while he was sitting under oath. The judge finally told him that he since he was sworn in, he has to tell the truth and she wouldn’t tolerate the lies any further in the hearing. Once my attorney was finished with the cross-examination, the judge asked him if he was calling any witnesses. He said he wasn’t calling anyone to the stand. The judge asked, “You have all these people in the courtroom with you and none are your witnesses?” He said, “No, Your Honor.” The judge shook her head and said, “It is unnecessary to have so many people in the courtroom.”

As we sat and waited for the judge’s ruling, my stomach was rolling in knots. How was she going to rule? What was going to happen after this hearing? I couldn’t bare losing my daughter and not having her full-time. The judge asked us to rise for the judgement.

The judge stated her ruling while looking at my ex. “This hearing was completely unnecessary and a waste of my time. There was no reason this matter could not have been resolved through mediation. Obviously, the mother wants your daughter to have a relationship with her father. She sat up here on the stand and said she wanted you to have more visitation rights. I do, however, agree that the best interest of the minor child in this manner is for her to be with her mother primarily due to the fact you have not been around your daughter, let alone call her on a regular basis. And this court room full of people looks like an intimidation attempt, and I am not too happy about it.”As her judgement came to an end, I felt such relief and tried so hard not to smile. The judge ordered him to call his daughter every other day and gave him some additional days for her to  visit him. I couldn’t help but think who has to be court ordered to call their own child? The drive back home was definitely more of a celebratory drive. I felt relieved. I thought that this court hearing would be the last of this mental anguish. But that turned out to be very wishful thinking.