I was in the Salt Lake City airport bawling my eyes out.

I was in day-old clothes, and I knew my hair was starting to get greasy. My whole life had just fallen apart, and I was in a strange state with no friends or family by my side. I had just decided to break up with Christopher – except he didn’t know it yet.I just bought a “Ski Patrol Utah” shirt and some pants that read “Salt Lake City” across the butt. Airport clothing was so expensive, but since I hadn’t been anywhere near a shower in over a day, I needed those obnoxious clothes. I paced back and forth down Terminal C. I was on standby for the 3pm flight and was guaranteed a seat on the 9pm flight. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying in an airport any longer, but the 3pm flight was already boarding, and my chances looked slim. I was the third person on the list. But the Universe decided to let me have one: the two people in front of me didn’t want to be separated, and there was only one seat left. It was mine! I cried happy tears – I think I used up my allowance of sad tears for the week – and hugged the flight attendant and shouted my “thank yous” as I ran to board my plane back home. I quickly texted Christopher that I would be home in a few hours. He said he could get off work to pick me up early, but I made an excuse. “It’s alright, my boss said he could pick me up.” This had been a work trip afterall, but before I go any further, I suppose I should backup. In November, I got a new job, one I was extremely excited about. The pay was much higher, but the best part was that I would get to travel. Santa Fe and Lake Tahoe were guaranteed trips. However, I wanted to go to Hawaii. It was a week after my birthday, and I knew I would never be able to afford it otherwise. I worked so hard, went above what was expected of me, and it all paid off. In February, my boss announced that I would be able to go to the Big Island.

This trip meant the world to me. My 23rd birthday had been spent in the hospital (I had a relapse of whatever had hit me in February, meaning Christopher probably poisoned me again). Plus, I had just taken Christopher to Denver for his birthday. I was hoping he was going to give me a great surprise in return for my 24th birthday.

No such luck. Christopher was broke, so it looked like a trip was out of the question even though my second favorite band would be playing in SLC. Instead, he was going to take me to the Magic Beans show in Missoula. I had no idea who the Magic Beans were, but a local band, the Kitchen Dwellers would be opening, and I really enjoyed their music. I guess my birthday weekend would be okay after all. Except, he invited his friend Kaylee, who would be driving up with us and sharing a hotel room with us. I didn’t really like Kaylee. She wasn’t a bad person or anything, but she was super boring. She never had anything interesting to contribute to conversations, and she was always tripping out on molly. I wasn’t exactly excited to have her tag along. I didn’t even know she was going to be invited. Still, I tried to make the best of it. However, because I would be leaving for Hawaii two days after our Missoula trip, I told Christopher I had saved enough money for my third of the hotel room, my meals and my third of the gas money. I wanted to save everything else for Hawaii. He understood, and said that because he was broke that he didn’t want to spend too much money either. As soon as we got to Missoula, Christopher, Kaylee and I went to the same bar that would be hosting the show. Christopher wanted to order appetizers and drinks. I just had a water. When the bill came, he said, “Hey can you get my appetizers and drinks? I’ll cover dinner since it is your birthday.” I grabbed my wallet and saw a tiny portion of my birthday savings go toward food I didn’t eat and alcohol I didn’t drink. After the bar, we ended up walking around Missoula. But soon after, Kaylee and Christopher wanted drinks at one of Missoula’s well-known breweries. That was followed by a trip to an expensive tapas restaurant, which was then followed by a trip to another bar. I didn’t want to ruin the mood, but my budget hadn’t planned for all of this. I started to tell Christopher why I was worrying. He brushed it off, “It’s your birthday weekend, try to have some fun.”After a few more stops, we finally made it to the show. I was up by the front of the stage, dancing, having a great time. Kaylee was strung out of her mind, and Christopher had a tendency to wander during shows. I ended up losing him after he went outside to smoke. After set break, I found him again. He was trying to get some coke off one of the light guys. “But I thought you were broke?” I asked him. I had been paying for nearly everything that night. At this rate, my money for the hotel was all gone. I didn’t even get treated to dinner by him. I guess he had been saving all his money for coke at the show and didn’t tell me. I was upset. I wanted to be a little selfish. After spending my last birthday in the hospital, I was hoping this year’s would be better. But the Magic Beans had already taken the stage, and I knew the night would go downhill. I’m just going to say it. The Magic Beans sucked. I don’t even remember why. I tried giving them a chance, and song after song, they kept getting worse and worse. “Could you at least pretend like you’re having a good time? You’re ruining the show for me,” Christopher said as he dragged me toward the front. I didn’t fit in with this crowd. I couldn’t handle it. I left and sat in the back corner of the bar.

I wasn’t having a good time, and I couldn’t fake it. I wanted to cry. Why was Kaylee with us? Why were we celebrating my birthday weekend in Missoula of all places? And why did I pay to see this shitty band?

I thought about telling Christopher I would just meet him back at the hotel, but I knew that would make him mad. I must have been sitting alone whirling in my own thoughts for a while, because the Dwellers were back on stage. They were doing the encore with the Magic Beans – some Green Day mashup. It was actually pretty cool. I decided to join Kaylee and Christopher. I put my best smile on and really did enjoy the last few minutes. But, the Dwellers left and the Magic Beans decided to do a twenty-minute encore of their own (sometimes jam bands can be so annoying). My fun was over, and Christopher sensed it. “You can just leave if you’re not having a good time,” he said as he walked over to Kaylee. My heart sank. My memories of Christopher from the past year flooded over me, and all I could remember was Christopher hitting me and raping me and mentally abusing me. I had enough. I wanted to be done. I went to the bathroom where girls were falling over their friends or dabbing more molly onto their tongues. I cried and cried. There I was, drowning in tears while every other girl in there was having the time of her life. I let all my emotions out. But I needed to be strong. I made my way through the maze of strung out hipsters and hippies and grabbed a paper towel to dry my eyes. Christopher didn’t talk to me or look at me the rest of the night. He didn’t talk to me the next morning except to tell me when we were leaving. It was a long three-hour ride back home.

To Be Continued